Jeff's Tuesday Hollywood Gossip Update Column

Liza Minnelli is so damn crazy she's officially sexy. Honest to god, she could be one of my Aunts. I can totally picture my crazy Aunt Liza getting cocked on Zambuka at Gram's Easter soiree held at the retirment compound's party room. She would tell us stories about her aloof Grandpa (my great-great-grandpa) and how he would only nourish her with cigarillos and mortadella while he taught her how to hustle pool against Asian teenagers. Aunt Liza would always give me insane Christmas gifts. When I was eleven she actually gave my brother and I a three night stay at the Luxor while my sister's received a carton of whole milk in a fantastically decorated gift bag. Oh the memories....