Oscars and Drinking

I'm not a fashion expert nor am I intelligent film critic. What I can comment on however, are a couple things from last nights Oscar event.

• Ryan Seacrest loves dresses and hates boobs. This is true.
  
• George Clooney is at the point where he is almost too cool for school. I get the feeling that very soon, some dark celebrity skeleton will be pulled from his closet. My bet is on a torrid affair involving his Villa on Lake Como, Ryan Secrest, Balloon Animals and a tray of Gorganzola.
  
• Ludacrisp is much more interesting than Robert Altman. "Gosford Park" is eye-bleedingly boring while lyrical biscuits like ..."sweat from the hot sauce, sweat from the heat" is genius. In five years, Luda will not only be the first rapper to win an Oscar, but he will groundbreakingly wear the bastard around his next for a full sixth months after the victory. That my brothers, is commitment.
• The constant "comedic pauses" of Sir John Stewart was tiresome. Sometime I really enjoy his perspective and comedic sensibility, other times I wanna kidney-blast him with my muy thai-boxing skills. Also, WE KNOW YOU ARE FUCKING JEWISH - STOP IT. I mean, I smartly retired my "Italian Jacket" when I was 7 because shit gets old.
  
• Three 6 Mafia obviously stole the show. That doesn't mean that It would have been way more rock-mikeish if Terrence Howard's whitey ass (who performed it in "hustle & flow") would have spit his shit live, while in a dago-T, and in front of all his ass-kissing peers. And after the last note - drop the mic, spit on Judy Dench and proclaim "Ya'll Nigga's don't know me!" Now that's pimp.
• Maybe I was jazzed on the two double-doubles I scarffed during the pre-show, but the ceremony did not seem to run too long. I guess it was long enough to cut off that poor women at the end. Bitch spent years trying to get that movie made, and all we heard from her was "I'd lik..." Cocksucking Hollywood pricks couldn't let that nice producer lady speak. It wasn't like we were rolling into the magic of Grey's Anatomy and had emotional fireworks to look forward to. Nope, just post Oscar party coverage. Parties so lavish and fanatastic that us lay-peeps will never see the inside. Unless your Me and down with the whole Ebony, Black Hollywood thing. SAMUEL L Ya'LL
  

PS: For all those who are following my Lenten journey, no I did not drink this weekend. I survived a wine-bar and sushi without Saki. Hell Yeah.