You got a great Ash.

For all those who are not in the loop, today is Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of Lent. All good Catholics are supposed go to Mass, get a blast of ashes on their forehead, and give something up for the forty days before Easter. The thing is, is that people rarely give up any thing that dramatic. Sure, you get the Judy in Accounting who gives up Chocolate, Uncle Steve who gives up Fries, or neighbor Ronjilio who doesn't foregoes the indulgence of clams. That's nothing compared to the cats back in the old days. People wouldn't eat all day, abstain from dairy and all meat, or just simply beat themselves daily. Today, young Catholics and at least the ones I know, seem to be slacking. I've seen the attempts, and they are bleak. Therefore today I bring to you the...

TOP SIX MOST COMMON HALF-ASSED THINGS BAD CATHOLICS GIVE UP FOR LENT

6) Cottage Cheese
Never understood why people enjoy this "so far from cheese" gunk. Please tell me it's impossible for you to live without those milky white curds that smell like milky white shit.

5) Kneeing oneself in the balls
It's very hard to get caught doing this one. But remember kids, God is everywhere.

4) Go Karts
While very fun, the opportunity only comes along like once every five years. Unless you have some gay-ass monthly go-kart pass at the local go-kartery. If that is indeed the case, Jesus does not love you, neither do broads.

3) Updating your Website
What would all 67 of you do without Fake Albums Covers and Farina?

2) Poo Fights
I made an honest attempt last year at giving up this one, unfortunately, the devil got a hold of me and I slipped twice (Three times if you count that one time I was drunk on Cutty Shark Yogurt Shakes - but that occurred after midnight on Saturday). This is too easy to give up and shouldn't even be considered, unless of course, you're like me, who for some odd reason can't get enough of the occasional rough and tumble Poo Fight, Poop War, or Shite Battle.

1) Meat on Friday
Come on.


As far as my sacrifice, I have just made the decision to give up booze all together. I started at giving up hard liquor, but today in Church I made a spiritual plunge into an attempted 40 day fast from all booze. I will keep you posted as I will be highly tested. Tonight I got dinner with some buddies and tomorrow I have a pre-Oscar party, Hollywood Style. What am I doing...