When I Have Kids Thursdays (on Friday)- Part 8

Day late and a dollar short....
Dear lil' Fucknuts,

• No Fettucine Alfredo. Never, not in microwave form or from a 3 star Michelan rated restaurant. Fettucine Alfredo is for chubby orphans, strippers, and those who frequent Olive Garden (cocksucking motherfuckers).
• None of this "We Don't Keep Score in our T-Ball league" Bullshit. That is why I will be the president, commissioner and main organizer of my children's t-ball league. And the first rule I will implement is that THE SCORE WILL BE KEPT. And not only will we score each and every run, RBI, stolen base, and error, but you can count on this simple fact: if little Trevor, your precious 5 year-old superstar misses a pop-up to center field, not only will he go on the books with a big "E" but he will also be blessed with a dark chocolate bruise on his forehead. Courtesy of me and my big elbow. Word.
• No Flatscreen Televisions in the Minivan. What in God's name has happened to classics car ride time passers such as Travel Connect Four and Hangman? Now a days kids are spoon fed video based entertainment, and family interaction is at an all time low. That is why we will stick to the classics while family truckstering. This does include the classic sibling time waster, "Punch Buggy Blue", or as my older brother Frank used to call it, "Knee in the Eye Buggy Everycolor." Ahh, memories...
  
• None of this "I Can't Clear my Plate Daddy, I'm not Hungry!" If your my son or daughter and you can't clear your plate, it means Mommy was bumpin' pudding with skinny Rick from Blockbuster and your no son of mine.

When I Have Kids I
When I Have Kids II
When I Have Kids III
When I Have Kids IV
When I Have Kids V
When I Have Kids VI
When I Have Kids VII