When I Have Kids Thursdays - Part 10

Dear Little Shitstains,

• NO PLAY DATES. What the fuck is a playdate? Is society at a point where kids can't even walk right in to a buddies house and help himself to various chips and pop? Parents today have to call up the other kids Mom and then schedule a specific time where they can play. Holy Mother of God is that Gay. Do Parents get nervous before calling up and making a playdate? Is there the same fear of rejection one gets when calling up a person to ask out on a REAL date?
  

"No Patty, I'm sorry, but lil' Jeffski can't play with Ronald. He just isn't Ronald's type and he tends to eat many bags of chips and drinks several cans of regular pop. I'm sorry Patty. Maybe next year. See you at Ultimate Fighter Practice!"

Hell, my P's let me have bottle rocket fights, form a street gang (the Scorpions, we ruled), and stay out way after dark eating chips and drinking mass quantities of pop. And that was in a shitty neighborhood and I was only 6. My Parents rule and I am now a product of non-playdate parenting. And look how I turned out. I write on the world wide web. Yayah.

• NO PONIES. Fuck ponies.
• FIRST PORNOS' ON ME. Thats right, when Daddy catches you either with a stash or, god forbid, in the act, you will not be punished. I will turn the other cheek then sneak into your room and take would should rightfully be mine. Especially anything in the "Like it Eat It" series or "Dong Chasers and Nut Bakers 7-14." If Gay porn is found....well, I guess we'll cross that bridge if we come to it.
  
• WALKING = MOWING. Nuff said. If you can walk for at least 20 minutes, than your damn ready and able enough to mow my god damn lawn. If your lucky, Daddy will buy you a sweet riding mower, because frankly, I've always wanted one.
• OH! EASY WITH THE TOPPINGS.

THE CLASSICS:

When I Have Kids I
When I Have Kids II
When I Have Kids III
When I Have Kids IV
When I Have Kids V
When I Have Kids VI
When I Have Kids VII
When I Have Kids VIII
When I Have Kids VIIII