Tuesday, March 30, 2004

My Papi used to tell me...
..."You know the oldest profession in the history of mankind is whoring."
Unto to which I replied.
"Well Papi, but did you know that the second oldest profession in the world is beatin' up whores."
Unto which Papi replied.
"I love you son."

Monday, March 29, 2004

Guess what? Yesterday I ate a supreme steak burrito, no beans, and a pork taco. It was delicious. Unfortunately, HBO was malfunctioning at the Fianc'es house, so I could not view the Sopranos. The usual combo of tasty, fatty foods and Sunday HBO was not experienced in full. The lack of Sunday ritual left me hurt. Wandering around my house in a Mexican food induced daze, I knew the night ahead was going to be emotional. The hours passed and I resisted slumber. Finally I cuddled in my lovers arm, comfortable, yet fully unsatisfied. Sucking my thumb and resisting the urge to poop burrito on her, I finally wept. After fourteen minutes of light male balling, I blew my nose (carefully, so I would not crop dust The Fiance) and finally fell into a slumber so deep, it took 7 snoozes to finally arise.

Friday, March 26, 2004

I've realized today, I probably think about food more than sex. So to the average male, that's a lot of thinking about food. I love food, I love to cook, I live to eat. I mean, I can easily double-handedly pleasure myself to an image of that string of hot moozarella that connects my hairless chin to the apex of a slice of deep-dish. Ladies always come second to bacon cheddar western BBQ burger. I have deep fried pancakes in bacon grease. Really.
And on this meat-less Lenten Friday, I really want steak tacos bad. Lets explain. In order to show my devotion to the lord, I forego the indulgence of meat & poultry on every Friday during Lent. But today, the Lucifer is sitting on my right shoulder, with a megaphone and a porterhouse screaming "MEAT! MEAT! MEAT, " while Jesus is on my left, shaking his head, with a frozen tilapia filet and pepper & egg sangwich. I fight them, I tell you. I fight them hard. And you know what, the Deveel just might win this time. For some reason, during Lent, I am very sensitive and vulnerable. Not unlike Diane Lane from that boner-inducing cinematic thriller, "Unfaithful."

But will Jesus still love me If today, this LENTEN FRIDAY, I indulge in a low-grade steak taco from a dirty Burrito stand? I think he will, cause...the Passion of the Jesus is not only for the good of the Peeps, but the Passion of the Jesus is for the eating of the meats. Yea Meat! MEat! MEAT!

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Hello friends, family, and fans. This brand new jeffmauro.com feature is called quite gayly, a BLOG. So everyday, I will be blogging my super secret feelings which will instantly be blogged into the blog window on my bloggeriscous site.

Great.

Today I woke up and realized....damn it feels good to be a gangster.

Have a great day.