Transformers - More than Meets my Boner

I haven't been this excited about a trailer since that lonely night in July of 86 when I first caught a glimpse of the teaser for "Cop & a Half." Sweet.

Bravo's Top 100 Comedies of All Time. Holy shit.

Below is a list that those hard working Gays at Bravo have compiled. I'm calling Bullshit for several reasons which are listed next to the titles.


100. Anchorman - Great comedy, instant classic and should be at least 97
99. The Birdcage - Gay
98. School of Rock - Classic
97. Happy Gilmore - Semi
96. Four Weddings and a Funeral - Gay and British
95. Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle - Steamed grilled
94. Waiting for Guffman - Gay but fantastically awesome
93. The Aristocrats - OVERRATED
92. Father of the Bride - Holy shit, GAY!
91. Revenge of the Nerds - Should be top ten. Booger revolutionized the doobie
90. Clueless - Come on.
89. Slapshot - Canadian
88. Team America - OVERRATED
87. The Kentucky Fried Movie - So old, but from what I remember, decent
86. Zoolander - OVERRATED except for that gay jeep scene
85. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels - UNDERRATED
84. Silver Streak - Huh?
83. Sister Act - Sister Act II is far superior.
82. Tootsie - GAY, again
81. Half Baked - Awesome
80. Lost in America - huh?
79. Three Amigos - UNDERRATED
78. Bananas - Bla
77. Flirting with Disaster - Flirting with my ballsack
76. Ghostbusters - No a bellybuster, but a great movie.
75. Dumb and Dumber - Greatest shit scene of all time
74. Trading Places - Decent
73. City Slickers - Not hilarious by any means
72. Moonstruck - Cher = Gay
71. Roxanne - Good
70. The Nutty Professor (Eddie Murphy) - "I'm glad I brought my knife"
69. The Blues Brothers - Classic
68. Broadcast News - Stupid
67. Kingpin - OVERRATED
66. Dazed and Confused - Moontower
65. Office Space - Top 50 at least
64. This is Spinal Tap - TOP 5 AT LEAST MOTHERFUCKERS
63. Manhattan - Huh?
62. The Pink Panther - Old
61. Election - EXTREMELY UNDERRATED
60. When Harry Met Sally - Annoying
59. Police Academy Series - Brilliant, especially the sick-ass jet ski scenes in the Miami one
58. Private Benjamin - RARRRR
57. Swingers - Classic
56. Young Frankenstein - OVERRATED
55. Bull Durham - Susan Sarandon's Boob
54. Ferris Bueller's Day Off - Awesome
53. Dr. Strangelove - OVERRATED
52. Meet the Parents - Laugh out loud awesome
51. National Lampoon's Vacation - FUCKING RUSTY
50. The Princess Bride - Too many theater nerds got way too deep into this one. Ruined for me.
49. American Pie - No so memorable
48. American Graffiti - Not even funny
47. 9 to 5 - Huge boobs
46. The Incredibles - AWESOME but not funny
45. Raising Arizona - Must be revisited
44. Sixteen Candles - The Donger
43. What About Bob? - What About...Awesome?
42. Harold and Maude - Stupid and old
41. Austin Powers - Funny
40. Monty Python and the Holy Grail - British
39. Mrs. Doubtfire - Gay, again.
38. Best In Show - FUCKING AWESOME
37. Dodgeball - HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE
36. Good Morning Vietnam - Drama
35. Beetlejuice - So fucking good.
34. Rushmore - Great movie, but not hilarious. bottom 10.
33. Clerks - Made me want to smoke
32. Groundhog Day - Keeps growing on me. Maybe because its on cable like 6 times a day.
31. The Big Lebowski - TOP 3, TOP 3, TOP 3!
30. The 40 Year Old Virgin - AWESOME
29. Legally Blonde - GAY!
28. Annie Hall - GAY!
27. A Fish Called Wanda- Ken!
26. Wayne's World - Revisited this last week. DOES NOT HOLD UP.
25. Meet the Fockers - SO FUCKING BAD, I CAN't BELIEVE I AM READING THIS.
24. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure - SO FUCKING AWESOME.
23. Big - Classic and still some great laugh out loud moments.
22. Beverly Hills Cop - Uh, I don't know
21. Shampoo - Shampoon
20. The Jerk - Classic
19. Wedding Crashers - So FUCKING FUNNY, Can't get enough and it only becomes funnier.
18. Stripes - Classic
17. M*A*S*H - Never liked this much.
16. Old School - Great.
15. Fast Times At Ridgemont High - Great, but not super funny
14. Napoleon Dynamite - OVERRATED
13. Naked Gun Series - Greatest baseball scene ever. When he's calling those strikes....
12. The Producers - PLEASE DIE.
11. Pee-Wee's Big Adventure - Great, but not hilarious.
10. Arthur - Hate.
9. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective - Surprised to see this, but kinda happy too.
8. Blazing Saddles - OVERRATED
7. The Wedding Singer - PLEASE SHOOT MY BALLS I WANT TO DIE.
6. Airplane - Best pick of the top 10
5. South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut - Great but not top 5
4. There's Something About Mary - Really?
3. Shrek - Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
2. Caddyshack - Great.
1. Animal House - TOMMY FUCKING BOY. GOD DAMN IT. IT DIDN'T EVEN MAKE THE LIST.

Ali G Wednesdays

Ali G as his Gay Austrian alter ego Bruno. The funny thing about this clip is that he is the least gay person on the beach.


My all time favorite Borat clip, Wine Tasting. Best part: When he gets fucking tanked and shows a picture of his "sister."

Bitch is TERRIFIED of Pickles!

No joke, this crazy broad has a deep phobia of pickles. Now, I don't want to jump head first into a diagnosis here, but I can only come to the conclusion that she was molested as a child, either by a her Uncle Steve or a big green man who smelled of vinegar and garlic. Best part: when Maury brings out a enourmous tray of pickles and the bitch freaks out.


This guy is quite possibly the only modern innovator in the world of ventriloquism and you know what, I'm not only entertained, but I'm getting hot as well. In fact, I'm moist. Superman.

James Brown - My Personal Hero

This is definitely an oldie, but god damn, is it funnier than ever. James Brown is so blasted on rock he can't stop singing. Best Part: His funksoul scream at the end, pure brilliance.




Another James Brown favorite. Celebrity HotTub.


Just found this clip. Picture this: James Brown + Michael Jackson (Black Version) + Prince = An Allstar Jam Session to Rule them all. Best part: After a sick guitar solo where Prince basically shoots a load on his instrument, he rips of his shirt to reveal his caramel nipples and then proceeds work the shit out of the mic stand and then do about 4 jumping jacks. His light-post destroying ending will go down in history. Please watch.

Chuck Philips - White Collar, Black Heart.

Introducing jeffmauro.com's newest weekly columnist - Chuck Philips.

My Balls Aren’t Politically Correct

Today, while I was trying to deposit my tax refund of $4.53 into my excessively large bank account, I had the pleasure of viewing some ginormous hooters in line in front of me. Now, being the normal virile man that I am, I stare and then turn to Ms. Quicksilver T-shirt and remark, “It must be hard to breathe carrying those things around.” And then what happens? She slaps my face! And you know what I realize? I’m tired of all this politically correct BULLSHIT! You don’t like it when I say your tits are huge? Get smaller tits then! And then try pulling that, “Can I cut in line?” crap and see who listens to your flat-chested ass. Otherwise, you betta fuckin deal with the fact that your titties are so big I need a fuckin Sherpa to climb to the top of them.

What is with all this friendly, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor” bullshit we throw at each other all the time? I mean, who fucking decided that we all need to get along? No, I won’t be your fucking neighbor because you leave your damn Pontiac Firebird on your lawn with no wheels and you play ear-bleeding Mariachi crap that makes me want to vomit a trumpet. So get the fuck out of neighborhood!

I’m supposed to say, “Look, this is my perspective, this is my view. I just want to SHARE my FEELINGS.” I’m going to share some feelings with you, Mr. Cutting Me Off on the Freeway. I’m going to share the feeling of my fist beating the shit out of your face. And then I’m going to share the feeling of me sticking a tire pump up your ass and turning it on until your intestines are big enough for me to make a nice giraffe and maybe an inflatable Merry-Go-Round out of them.

It’s the same with, “Road Rage”. It’s not about traffic, and it’s not about your home-life or whatever pathetic daddy issues you’re dealing with. It’s about being fed up with all this smiley face bullshit and finally taking some action! We’ve given so much power to the damn police, and bosses, and correctional facilities, that we’ve forgotten our own God given right to smack the hell out of the dipshits that fuck with our lives. It’s in the God Damn Constitution! Give me Liberty or Give them Death! We the people, being of sight, sound and mind, do hereby say that we will kick your ass if it gets out of line! We’ve gotten so, “Politically Correct” that we’ve forgotten what Darwin taught us! Retards need to be smacked around! It’s up to us to teach them! Hey, retard! You didn’t cook this burger right. Now I’m going to put my foot up your ass until you learn! It’s like shoving a dog’s nose in his piss. He’s not going to learn otherwise.

And by God, it’s high time we start educating this world.

-Chuck Philips

2:37 Marks the Greatest Moment in Music Video History

I present to you one of the most entertaining 3 seconds in the history of mankind. Courtesy of the Kidsbop version of "Since You've Been Gone." Wait for it....2:37

Check out Pitchfork's presentation of 100 Awesome Music Videos. This does include the above masterpiece and my own personal fuzzy blanket of comfort -"Hungry Like the Wolf." Endless amounts of entertainment courtesy of YouTube. And another thing, what I love most about this list is the omission of Mikey Jackson's "Thriller." Fuck that video.

Connie chunk is Sexy and Talented

I was trying to come up with some witty commentary on this video, but the accompanying pianist beat me to it. The gentleman's face pretty much says "This bitch is one nutty Chinawomen, and it's a goddamn shame Ivan Drago killed me in the 12th round." Go Bears!

When I Have Kids Thursdays - Part 13

Dear Shitpipes,

• NO CARL BUDDING COLD CUTS. Shits just plain nasty. You will not be one of those children who sit in the corner during lunch, sulking in burnt sweat pants and a bloody nose munching on a bag of grey meat. While we're on the subject of lunch...
  
• NO PIZZA PUFFS.
  
• THE FAMILY DOG WILL BE A GREAT DANE OR SOMETHING HUGE. This way you can ride it like a small horse, because frankly, that would make you the toast of the town. All the other kids would be so jealous of "that olive-skinned Mauro kid who gallops around the neighborhood on his saddled dog. He's just so talented!"
  
• TRICK or TREATING IS FOR CHICKS AND PUSSIES. When you are old enough to walk, and it is Halloween, I will be handing you 2 dozen eggs and a 10 count box of Gillette Shaving cream. Screw the candy boy, this will be your one night to cause as much of a shit storm as you want. "Fuck some shit up Boy! Fuck it up Good!" I'll say that to you ride off into dusk on your enormous dog.
  

When I Have Kids I
When I Have Kids II
When I Have Kids III
When I Have Kids IV
When I Have Kids V
When I Have Kids VI
When I Have Kids VII
When I Have Kids VIII
When I Have Kids VIIII
When I Have Kids VIIIII
When I Have Kids VIIIIII
When I Have Kids VIIIIIII

Smell My Linkfinger

Craziest Bitch of the Year. She not only hates "fags" but hates America, Americans, and all Soldiers. I give it up for Ms. Julie Banderas for rockin the scriptures. Nice.

Latest edition of Jimmy Kimmel's weekly bit. Click Me

Borat the Movie! Trailer is in!

Regardless of how they can sustain a feature film starring Borat, they did it and it's coming out Fall 2006. Holyshit.

Classic Commercial Fridays.

This particular McDonalds commercial is so special that I don't know whether to laugh, cry or just surround myself in dryer sheets while singing folk songs and dreaming about magical ponies.. Mike is not only "outspoken" but he's obviously the best in the world.

Now this McDowells commercial actually launched the whole "extreme sports" revolution. And not because of the actors wicked hair and outrageous maneuvers, but rather the fact that McDonald's was extreme enough to actually peddle steak. I would totally order three of them with a side of 20 piece.

Extreme Technical Bullshits

I know many of you are waiting for When I Have Kids Thursdays, but fact of the matter is, it ain't gonna happen today. Blogger is being very bad and hopefully I'll have the brilliant post up later today or tomorrow morning. But check this in the meantime....

Waterskiing Baby

Watch Video Clip

Now, don't get me wrong, it can be quite beneficial to introduce children to extreme sports at an early age, but this kid is fucking baby. That's right, a baby that can't even poop in a toilet is being thrown into the rough and tumble world of waterskiing, AND HE FAILS.

Monday Links - Updated Hourly

New Tourettes Guy Video. Best part: Being accused of having a "mickey mouse" shirt on and his surprisingly above-average bowling skills. Video Here

Chef Jeff & Ali Presents: 500 Degrees

Here's a Teaser Trailer for the newest episode of Chef Jeff & Ali. Slobs and Broads, I present to you: 500 Degrees.





Stay Tuned for the full Episode!

chefjeffandali.com